10.29.2009

working progress

i'll post some more finished poems later today... maybe... but this is one i wrote this morning. not sure if i'll be able to do anything with it, it needs a lot of work.

any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!


Look around and hope I’ll find

Something to make this new


If only I saw

What I now see in you


Who am I kidding?

This was a lie


It will always be the same

No matter how hard I try

Posted by at

3 comments:

  1. CJ10/29/09, 6:10 PM

    I like it exactly how it is.

    Then again I know nothing about poetry.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hector Chavez10/30/09, 1:24 AM

    what are you going to change? i think it's fine.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Leona10/30/09, 2:11 AM

    the line structure needs work.
    the words themselves are fine.. but it's poetically incorrect.

    but thanks :)

    i'm starting to like poetry... lol

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)